The Dungeon We Build

Protecting our wounded places... can quietly become a prison. There is another way to keep them.

Why do we lose our inner child?

It makes sense that we grow up. That we become "responsible," so we can pass our wisdom down to the next generation.

But why do we forget the light we were born with?

The truest reflection of who we are. Why do we hide it — cover it over with avoidance, anxiety, anger, substance abuse… addiction?

I think we learn, young, that the purest part of us needs protecting. We are shown evil too early. And instead of moving through the world with that purest part on our sleeve, we learn to hide it.

To protect it. To lock it away in some deep layer of ourselves. We stuff it down.

And there's something in that.

Because to hide it at all means we already know — somewhere underneath — that this part of us is precious.

That it is worth protecting.

So we protect it. We see the evil out there, and we go looking for the smallest, safest, most hidden corner inside us — a dungeon — and we shut our purest part inside. We hide her.

We tell ourselves this is wisdom. That it's what we're "supposed" to do, because it's what the generational trauma before us handed down. BUT… what if that's exactly what the enemy wants?

Let’s lay this out.

We subconsciously know that this pure part of ourselves needs protection.

But... WHY?

Because the pain that we experienced within the traumas of evil was too hard to bear?

We survived it, though, right?

And in that surviving we think we are smart to say, we how can we not let this happen again... so...

Instead of externalizing it and saying it was the product of external evil, we say… well lets protect and hide the pure part that was hurt.

Let’s hoard her away. And in the hoarding… we keep her locked away in the dungeon.

She forgets what sunlight looks like.

She forgets what laughter is… she is safe.. but she is not living.

Evil wins in this scenario. Because even if we are keeping her safe… we know in our core we are not living with her.

To deal with this, we then self-medicate. We self-medicate in the addictions of the world. The distractions. Distractions to make us forget that she is there… sitting in that dungeon.

We think we are being smart and brave by keeping her safe. Like it is heroic. But is actually is the opposite of heroic. It is merely self-protection.

But, we cannot help the human in us. We are flawed. Pain is painful. When you are a kid it is even magnified even more than an adult. Especially if that pain comes from the very people who are supposed to love us… unconditionally. Humans raising humans.

We take what we learn from the human prior to us and then apply that to ourselves and the future generations that come after us.  

One generation bites the apple and then hands the apple… down … down … down until every generation takes the bite… believes the snake… questions our own worth and forgets the worth and unconditional love that already lives inside us… the part inside of us that we are locking away… in the dungeon.

We are human. We live in sin. BUT… we also have the power. The power to put the apple down. The power to unlock the dungeon and step into the pain.

The enemy does not want this. He wants us to stay distracted. He wants us to keep her locked away.

As a parent, I think the hardest thing is to see your child in pain. To see them struggle. To see them feeling worthless. To lose that purest part of themselves.

That is how God sees us.

He is the Parent watching His child sit in the dark of a dungeon she built herself.

And He is not asking us to guard her better. He is asking us to open the door.

So put the apple down. Walk to the dungeon you built with your own two hands.

Turn the key.

Not to keep her safe. To bring her home.

Let the light find her face.

Let her hear the song she forgot she knew.

She was never yours to hide. She was always His to hold.

 "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Psalm 32:7